Coulter, Schmoulter 11/25/2007
 ear Miss Coulter,Keep up the crazy! You undoubtedly will. You silly, silly girl with your dated cocktail dresses and circa Beverly Hills 90210, texture-free, Clairol Nice 'n Easy blonde coif. Keep up the rehearsed, outlandish comments conveniently unleashed around book release dates. The blanket statements about God's anointed, morally superior political party and rants about closeted gay ex-presidents and eradicating Judaism in favor of "perfected" Christian faith. There are books to be sold. And there is money to be made. Lots and lots of money!!! Sweet Ann, I've never understood why you haven't taken a liking to that nice boy, Glenn Beck. Why don't you dump that tired Andrew Stein and focus some of your crazy on plucking Beck from his cozy second marriage? Like Stein, Beck is not a Republican and would therefore continue to satisfy your primal appetite for vicariously leading a life of forbidden, unrestrained debauchery. He's sort of a Christian – the conservative Mormon kind. And he's certainly almost as crazy as you. I feel confident that somewhere on one of the deeply discounted "as-is" backroom racks at David's Bridal hangs a Virgin White ode to that little black Robert Palmer "Addicted to Love" mini dress you have grown so fond of over the years. And if Cerebral Palsy scares you, I'm sure you could just pray away his daughter's bout with the affliction. After all, you and your fellow Republicans ARE on the "fast track" to spending eternity in heaven. Full steam ahead!! You are at the mall right now, aren't you Ann? Hitting the DEB 60% off Fall Clearance Sale and pondering how much more God likes outspoken, lunatic, right-wing best-selling authors than he does Democrats, Independents and unregistered voters. I see absolutely no reason why you and Shmeck should not spend together your conspiracy theory-fueled days blazing down that good ol' boy Road to Glory. You could purchase a quaint Georgetown Dutch Colonial, spawn a herd of mutant kids and all loll around for hours in your homely sitting room watching over and over your videotaped, eyebrow-raising Hannity and Colmes appearances, and instead of fast forwarding through commercial breaks, you could turn down the volume and brainstorm alternative, more sadistic ways your new husband can silence for good the endless liberal rantings of Michael Moore. Because, really - death by strangulation is just plain dull. And with all that book deal loot, you could even buy a nice, sturdy solid-wood gun cabinet to house Beck's growing arsenal of firearms, and when your fanatical children reach elementary school age, you can pack, along with the Capri Sun and pb&j, a little heat in their Veggie Tales lunch totes. But only to use in rare emergency situations, as a defense against grade school, gun-slinging vigilante crazies, right? Oh, Anne. I kind of enjoy you, though. In a similar way as I enjoy that no nonsense, nostril-flaring, train wreck-of-a Court TV call-in talk show host, Nancy Grace. But not quite as much. Best, Devin Commentsdouglass mabry Mon, 03 Dec 2007 06:15:04 You have the best knack for saying EXACTLY what I am thinking, or better yet, what I WISH I was thinking. I'm glad your great brain and sharp wit have a stage now! Breese Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:31:11 Devin, Mark Henry Thu, 10 Jan 2008 06:48:17 I love your stuff. Its fresh and interesting, please write more soon! Leave a Reply |  Devin RobertsDevin Roberts is somewhat of a wandering soul (currently a few dangerously small steps removed from the aimless breed) who, after spending the last five years in Chicago and by an odd twist of fate, has relocated back to the land of hasty generalizations, mom jeans and Pro-Bush bumper sticker-clad Ford F-150 extended-cab pickup trucks - his beloved hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. He rehearses in the mirror daily a popular area code-referencing regional slogan which he presumes, with increased frequency, might help reduce public displays of eye rolling and annoyed guttural moans: “Don’t Hate the 918.” Devin is also a musician who briefly resided in Mississippi and Nashville, Tennessee, the latter move the product of a misguided attempt to forge a career in the shady and ruthlessly competitive music industry. After a short romp with disillusionment, he determined he preferred working independently of The Man and is presently dabbling in a few solo projects. Along with a passion for music, he shares a proclivity for smart romantic comedies, coffee dates with good friends, hyphenated words and an incurable fascination with Christian Radio. ______________________ ______________________ ArchivesJanuary 2008 ______________________  |
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